I have decided that it’s about time I finally get down and write something about the hellspawn also known as bedbugs. I don’t happen to have any near by (THANK GOD), so you’ll have to settle for this artist’s rendition drawn by none other than myself.
If you haven’t been living under a rock lately, I’m sure you’ve heard about the epidemic-like havoc these bastards have been wreaking on major metropolitan areas (including good ol’ Cincinnati). What’s the big problem you say? The problem (simple version) is that bedbugs eat you in your sleep and when you wake up, they are gone. Where did they go, you ask? During the daytime, they are nestled snugly in every available crack and crevice in your bedroom… or any other room for that matter. Oh yeah, and all the while they are hiding, they are quietly reproducing so you always have a fresh supply of little flat ugly bloodsuckers ready to sneak out and violate you in your sleep. Please note: the picture above isn’t entirely accurate as they don’t actually remove entire chunks of your flesh. Think of them more like little ugly vampires (still more desirable than the Twilight ones, though).
Let’s get serious now and go over some key points. They are flat reddish brown and ovular in appearance. They survive by ingesting your blood and do it in a most interesting way. They actually have two feeding tubes – think of them as input and output. One tube injects you with their anticoagulant saliva while the other one steals your blood. They are known to cause allergic reactions and rashes on their victims, but surprisingly, aren’t know to spread any human pathogens.
The reason bedbugs are such a problem is that they are a royal pain in the butt to get rid of. They are almost impossible to kill too. Bedbugs can survive the most extreme temperatures from the negatives to above one hundred degrees (Fahrenheit that is). They are also now becoming resistant to a lot of our pesticides too. I’d give some advice on getting rid of them, but there are plenty of existing resources online for that… Just ask Google. I could only suggest maybe asking them politely to leave your residence. Here’s an important tip, though. DON’T TAKE FURNITURE OR MATTRESSES FROM ANYONE’S TRASH! DON’T EVEN BUY USED FOR THAT MATTER!